


what if...

by fluteandguqin



Category: Khh, MKIT RAIN
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Friends With Benefits, M/M, but oh well, it's not really smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25309591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluteandguqin/pseuds/fluteandguqin
Summary: What if Nicholas fell in love with his fuck buddy, Daniel? What would he do then?
Relationships: Choi Seokbae | Nafla/Kim Hyunwoong | Bloo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. I

That morning, Nicholas realized something.

It was the little things.

The way sunlight made Daniel’s skin shine. It was the way his collar bone moved as he rolled over to give Nicholas a kiss. It was the little birthmark on his cheek, his dimples and his sweet little smile. It was the way his bangs fell into his eyes, and the way he let Nicholas gently brush them away.

And that morning when Nicholas’ fingers brushed Daniel’s cheeks, he realized that he was completely and utterly screwed.

“I’m in love with my fuck buddy,” Nicholas said miserably to Jinyong at lunch that day.

Jinyong dropped his fork. “Fuck, man.”

Nicholas nodded, looking down.

“Which one?”

“Daniel,” Nicholas said.

“The one with the…?”

“Moon tattoo,” Nicholas said. “And really pretty eyes. And—”

“Okay, I get it,” Jinyong cut in. “You’re really damn screwed.”

Nicholas buried his face in his hands. “Jinyong, what do I _do_?”

“Stop seeing him,” Jinyong said with a shrug.

“It’s not that easy! Fuck…”

“I get it. You love him. Which is weird in and of itself, but I mean… What kind of a chance do you even have with Daniel? As far as I remember he’s the one who…”

“Is not interested in a relationship whatsoever, yeah,” Nicholas confirmed.

Jinyong sighed. All he could think to do was to reach out and pat Nicholas’ arm.

Daniel pulled away and the disappearance of his kiss was like the disappearance of the air in Nicholas’ lungs.

He tried to lean back in, but Daniel placed a hand on his chest and kept him down.

Nicholas’ insides twisted. He looked up at Daniel through the darkness, eyes wide. “Something wrong?”

“I should be asking you that,” Daniel said, sitting up in Nicholas’ lap in such a way that made electricity shoot up his veins. Daniel leaned back in, but continued to deprave Nicholas of his kiss. He only pressed their foreheads together. “You’re not with me. Where are you, Nick?”

“Just…”

Daniel cupped Nicholas’ cheeks and kissed him gently. It was like breathing again. Nicholas tangled his fingers in Daniel’s hair and pulled him closer, closer, other hand gripping at his waist.

But before long Daniel pulled away again. “I want you with me. I don’t want you thinking about anything else, okay?”

Nicholas nodded, trying to keep his gaze off of Daniel.

“Anyone else?”

Nicholas shook his head. “Of course not…”

Daniel grinned. “Good.”

And when he kissed him again… Nicholas lost himself. It was too much. It was too sweet, too gentle, too much like making love.

Still holding Daniel by the waist, Nicholas sat up and swiftly switched their position. He pushed Daniel into the mattress, which he seemed to like. Nicholas twisted Daniel’s arm behind his back, only to be met with a wide smile.

“Now you’re with me,” Daniel said, allowing himself to be held down, pushing his hips back into Nicholas’.

But he had no idea. Nicholas had never been more lost.

The next morning, Nicholas indulged in watching Daniel sleep. His lips slightly parted, drawing soft breaths, long lashes brushing his cheeks. Nicholas only watched, not daring disturb his peace.

That was, until Daniel opened one eye, catching Nicholas in the act.

Daniel smiled. Wordlessly, he shifted and leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Nicholas’ lips. Like yesterday, it was too gentle, too full of hope.

Hope that was ripped from Nicholas as soon as Daniel stood up from the bed and began getting dressed.

Nicholas propped himself up on his elbows, watching Daniel slide into his jeans.

“Stay,” Nicholas blurted out.

Daniel looked up, startled, then looked at Nicholas.

“I mean—stay for a coffee. Are you really in that big of a rush?”

Daniel looked to the side, ruffling his already messy hair. “I don’t know…” He went quiet.

Nicholas’ insides twisted. Daniel’s silence was hardly a good sign.

However, to his relief, Daniel said, “I guess I can stay for coffee.”

It was awkward at first. The two of them never really talked much. Sure, they talked when they first met, but ever since then it had been quite straight to the point. There was never need for much talking.

“Do you want a cigarette?”

“Sure.”

That was it. Nicholas wanted to vomit.

Until, in a search for conversation topics, he mentioned a gallery he wanted to visit. Daniel perked up. A conversation started and it didn’t stop.

And Nicholas was relieved. He was relieved that he could talk to Daniel, that it wasn’t just sex between them. He was relieved that he actually enjoyed the conversation and didn’t want it to end.

They spent hours talking, completely forgetting about the time. Perhaps their conversation never would have ended if Daniel didn’t look at his phone.

“Oh, shit,” Daniel uttered. “I should go.” He stood up and stretched.

It didn’t matter how many times Nicholas had seen him naked, the way Daniel’s shirt lifted and revealed his belly made Nicholas’ heart jump out of his chest.

Nicholas stood up so suddenly he almost kicked his chair over. “I’ll walk you out.”

Daniel smiled, now fixing his shirt, tucking in the front.

At the door, Daniel stopped, readjusting the strap of his bag. “Thanks for the coffee, and the cigarettes and… everything.”

His smile was dazzling. Nicholas’ heart ached.

He managed a smile of his own. “Anytime.” Nicholas gripped the door handle. “Maybe we can—the next time—”

Daniel nodded, shoulders square. “Yup. I’ll—see you around.”

Nicholas looked down as Daniel’s untied boots disappeared behind the door.

‘The next time’ didn’t end up being too far into the future. Only a week later, Daniel texted Nicholas asking to _grab a coffee_ , and there he was, at Nicholas’ door.

Not even three steps in, Daniel’s arms were around Nicholas’ neck, pushing him up against the wall.

However Nicholas put his hands on Daniel’s chest and gently pushed.

He had something else in mind. An idea had entered his head and repeated itself over and over until Nicholas was convinced that he should do it. He asked Jinyong for his opinion, but the other didn’t provide any insight. He said he’d never been in that situation so he couldn’t give advice.

“If you think he would want that then do it. If you think he would take it the wrong way then… you’re better off not attempting it. But didn’t I tell you to stop seeing him? That’s really the safest option,” Jinyong had said.

But Nicholas couldn’t stop seeing Daniel. Not only that, he also had no idea how Daniel might react… So he decided to just try it.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel asked, tilting his head. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, just…” Nicholas cleared his throat and forced himself to look up. “I was just thinking that tonight we could… Actually grab that coffee? Or dinner?” Seeing Daniel stay non-reactive, Nicholas went quiet.

Daniel stepped away. “I don’t—” He too went quiet.

Nicholas’ stomach dropped. It was a bad idea. It was a horrible idea. He should have just fucked Daniel like any other day and been satisfied. Why did he…?

Daniel took his hand and kissed his knuckles. “Let’s stay in instead, okay? We can watch a movie or something.”

Nicholas could breathe again. He slumped against the wall. “Yeah, that’s—why not?”

Still holding Nicholas’ hand, Daniel took him to the kitchen. “I can cook for you if you want, I’ve been teaching myself, I make a pretty sick bibimbap.”

Nicholas smiled tiredly, letting himself be led.

By rejecting Nicholas, Daniel did nothing but create a different kind of ache in Nicholas’ chest as he watched the probably unintentionally domestic scene. Daniel was wearing Nicholas’ apron, dancing along to some music he’d put on while working. Nicholas could imagine this being his everyday life, the two of them, preparing a meal while goofing around.

And yet Daniel’s previous rejection was stuck in Nicholas’ throat, reminding him not to get too far in his fantasies.

He just watched, arms crossed, a small, sorrowful smile on his lips.

They ate in front of the TV, having put some movie on. Daniel was in the mood for a marathon. The very least, he didn’t seem to be in a rush to leave. And Nicholas wasn’t complaining.

However it wasn’t long before Daniel leaned in, tucked a strand of dark hair behind his ear and asked, “Do you have any alcohol?” while batting his lovely lashes.

Nicholas nodded and hesitantly showed Daniel where the liquor cabinet was.

A few times Daniel had paid Nicholas a visit while intoxicated. Often enough for Nicholas to realize that Daniel… liked drinking. Perhaps to a worrying degree, but Nicholas truly didn’t know Daniel well enough to tell. He was just a natural worrier.

Either way, it made him keep an eye on Daniel while he downed a bottle of whiskey.

It seemed that drunk Daniel was much cuddlier than sober Daniel. He was much like a cat, wordlessly pushing Nicholas into a position he liked before resting his head in Nicholas’ lap.

Nicholas continued to hesitate, though. He remembered Daniel’s rejection before and figured that this… wasn’t something he wanted. Daniel wanted sex. He wasn’t about to get it. So why the cuddling?

“Danny? Would you rather… sleep on a pillow?” Nicholas asked.

Daniel shook his head sleepily.

“Let’s get you to bed,” Nicholas insisted.

“Only if you carry me,” Daniel spoke through a pout.

Nicholas was fine with that. He scooped Daniel up off the couch and took him to his bedroom. He laid him down on the bed and tucked him in with a blanket. Nicholas sighed, took some covers and a pillow for himself and the couch. He left the room with heavy footsteps.

In the morning, Daniel was gone.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicholas thought there wouldn’t be a next time, but to his surprise, Daniel ended up texting him. They continued to see each other; either to fuck or to hang out at Nicholas’ place. They actually got to know each other. They had movie nights, bake-offs and early morning conversations on the balcony.

Nicholas thought there wouldn’t be a next time, but to his surprise, Daniel ended up texting him. They continued to see each other; either to fuck or to hang out at Nicholas’ place. They actually got to know each other. They had movie nights, bake-offs and early morning conversations on the balcony.

Their relationship was odd to say the least. Every Nicholas’ attempt of asking Daniel out on a date was cut at its roots. Meanwhile, they still fucked and still hung out. To Nicholas, it was like being repeatedly punched in the stomach. Daniel was always there, always within his reach, but just out of his grasp.

It was killing him.

He needed to do something about it, and following Jinyong’s advice, that is, to stop seeing Daniel, was hardly an option.

So, when he felt that their… friendship was on a high enough level, he felt that he could ask.

They were having lunch in front of the TV like they often did.

“Look, this is my favourite scene,” Daniel said, since he’d once again been the one to choose the movie.

Nicholas wasn’t paying attention, but he made sure to give a generic response of amazement so as to not hurt Daniel’s feelings.

Clearly, he wasn’t much of an actor, as Daniel paused the movie and said,

“Alright, what’s up with you today?”

Nicholas looked down at his plate. “Nothing, I’ve just…”

“Something’s on your mind,” Daniel spoke in a gentle tone that he didn’t use to use before.

Nicholas nodded hesitantly. “I just… I guess I just wanted to ask if you’ve been seeing anyone.”

Daniel straightened up as if stung. All gentleness was gone from him, just like that. “Woah. Hey, you know we don’t do that.”

“I know, I just thought, now that we’re hanging out…”

“Yeah, that’s all cool, Nick, but you know I don’t talk about my romantic life with my other…”

A wave of nausea came over Nicholas. Frowning, he looked up at Daniel. “Your other what? What am I to you, Daniel?”

He looked away. “A friend.”

“So that’s what it’s called now?” Nicholas said, putting down his plate before he got the chance to do anything rash.

Daniel’s gaze snapped back towards Nicholas. “For your information, you’re the one who pushed this friendship to begin with!”

“Yeah, well I never wanted to be your friend! I wanted—”

Daniel lifted his hands, grabbing his hair in distress. “I _know_! I know exactly what you wanted, I thought you could catch a fucking hint! I told you, I told you when we met, I’m not the dating type—”

“Oh please,” Nicholas spat, “That’s bullshit. You’re just fucking scared of commitment.”

Daniel had the guts to hold Nicholas’ gaze, even though his eyes were glistening. “So what? Even if I’m scared, you can’t force me into a relationship!”

“But you certainly didn’t have a problem keeping me around, just so you’ll always have a safe, quick fuck!”

“I—” Daniel went quiet.

They sat in silence, neither of them knew for how long.

“I should’ve done this long ago,” Nicholas spoke quietly. “We need to stop seeing each other. I can’t let you use me while I’m hopelessly in love with you.”

“It’s not like that,” Daniel said in a weak voice.

“Then what is it like?” Nicholas asked.

Daniel stared at the ground.

“Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me back?”

No response.

Nicholas huffed. “I didn’t think so.” A pause. “And that’s exactly why we can’t see each other anymore. I don’t want to keep pressuring you into something you clearly don’t want, and I don’t want you to keep toying with me.”

Wordlessly, Daniel stood, gathered his things, and left. Nicholas didn’t watch him as he went.


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months passed and Nicholas was still thinking about Daniel. Still thinking about what could have been. Recalling him in Nicholas’ apron, baking some cookies or making them lunch. Laughing on the couch or lying beside him in his bed.
> 
> That’s what they could have been. Happy.

Months passed and Nicholas was still thinking about Daniel. Still thinking about what could have been. Recalling him in Nicholas’ apron, baking some cookies or making them lunch. Laughing on the couch or lying beside him in his bed.

That’s what they could have been. Happy.

Every time he caught himself thinking, Nicholas got busy. He did everything and anything just to keep his mind off of the matter. He cleaned. His living space had never been neater. He wrote, made music. In just a few months he almost had an album ready.

He kept telling himself, “At least I’ve been productive.”

At some point Jinyong convinced him to go out, to get his spirits up. “You’ve been working hard, you deserve it,” he’d said. He took Nicholas to a club down by the river. Nicholas didn’t like it when they entered the neighbourhood, but he was somehow hoping that they wouldn’t go _there_.

But no, of course they did. As soon as the familiar neon sign came into view, Nicholas dug in his heels and said, “No. Not here.”

Jinyong turned, eyebrows raised. “Why not? I’ve heard the place is dope.”

“Daniel likes to go there.”

“Aw, shit man.” Jinyong rubbed the back of his neck, guilt weighing him down. “I didn’t know.” He paused. “Maybe he’s not there right now?”

“I don’t wanna take any chances. C’mon, there’s a bunch of clubs and bars around here, let’s just… Get away from here.”

And so they went, down the street and into an alley which was apparently the way towards some other place Jinyong had found on google maps.

Not far from the club they’d just left though, two figures came into view. One person was being pressed against the wall by the other. Making out. Not uncommon for that part of the city, especially in such proximity to the popular club.

Nicholas only hoped to pass them quickly and avoid any awkwardness.

Except that when one of the people spoke, he recognized Daniel’s voice.

And what he said, made Nicholas stop dead in his tracks.

“ _Nicholas_.”

Before he even got the chance to process this fact, Daniel’s partner responded,

“What did you say?”

And from Daniel came a slurred, “I can’t… Let me go.”

The man did not let go, though. He shook Daniel, repeating his question of, “What the _fuck_ did you just say?”

In response he got another “Let me go!”

He raised his hand.

The sound carried. The man had slapped Daniel so hard that he fell to the ground, although the fact that he was so drunk he couldn’t stand couldn’t have helped.

Daniel stayed on the ground, didn’t even try standing back up. The man tried to pull him up and while he was busy doing that, Nicholas broke into a sprint.

What he lacked in height, Nicholas made up with fury. By the time the man noticed anyone approaching, Nicholas was already right in front of him.

“Hey asshole!” And with the element of surprise on his side, Nicholas punched the man square in the jaw. He stumbled backwards, disoriented. Nicholas took the opportunity to kick him in the crotch and the man bent over. Nicholas kicked him in the head with his knee and this time, the man fell over.

Nicholas didn’t stop there. The sound of the slap kept repeating in his head and he was furious, enraged, in need of letting it out. He kept kicking, until Jinyong physically removed him from the man on the ground.

“Jesus, that’s enough,” Jinyong said. “He’s had enough. Daniel needs you.”

Nicholas threw one last glance at the man and the damage he’s done, before turning away. And indeed, Daniel was still on the ground.

Nicholas and Jinyong took him by the arms and pulled him up. Nicholas wrapped his arm around Daniel’s waist.

“Let’s go home,” Nicholas said. With his free hand, he tucked a strand of hair behind Daniel’s ear. “Can you walk?”

Daniel nodded.

He didn’t speak as they walked. He didn’t speak in the car. He was silent as he was taken upstairs to Nicholas’ apartment and sat on the couch.

Jinyong asked if Nicholas could take care of him on his own, and when Nicholas said that he could, he took leave.

As it wasn’t the first time he had to take care of a drunk Daniel, Nicholas knew exactly what to do. He brought him sparkling water, helped him wash up and gave him something clean to sleep in.

They were sitting on the couch, with Nicholas making sure Daniel remained sitting, when Daniel finally spoke.

“I wanted it to be you.”

Nicholas looked at him. “What?”

Daniel shook his head. “That guy was kissing me and… touching me and… all I could think about was you. How much I wanted it to be you. And then I said your name and he got angry.” Daniel shrugged. He still had the red mark on his cheek.

Nicholas reached out, but withdrew in the last second. He didn’t know what to say. Was Daniel just talking drunkenly? He couldn’t have meant it.

“Do you hate me?” Daniel spoke again.

“Of course not,” Nicholas was quick to say. “I—couldn’t hate you.”

“I couldn’t live with myself if you did. But God, I was horrible to you. I was… stupid. I was so stupid.”

“It’s fine,” Nicholas muttered. “It was my fault, I shouldn’t have been so pushy.”

Daniel shook his head. “No, you don’t understand. You were right. I _was_ scared. I let you believe that I didn’t love you back because I was scared.”

Nicholas needed a while to process that statement. “You… love me back?”

Daniel was staring ahead. He nodded.

“For real?”

Daniel now looked up and focused his gaze on Nicholas. “For real,” he said.

Nicholas’ chest tightened. “What about your other…” He trailed off, recalling their fight. “...friends?”

Daniel shook his head again. “Nick—there hasn’t been anyone for—I don’t know how long. When we started seeing each other I still had other flings but over time I just…” He looked away. “For a very long time it’s only been you.”

Nicholas balled his fists in his lap. “I want to believe you…”

“I know you have no reason to.” Daniel ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “I know I’m a whore.”

“Don’t fucking say that,” Nicholas snapped. “You—we just—weren’t ready to commit. You’re not a—” He couldn’t even say it. “It’s okay to have atypical relationships.”

Daniel chuckled. “ _Atypical relationships._ That’s a euphemism.”

“You know what I mean…” Nicholas sighed. He paused. “Speaking of which, what about your commitment issues?”

Daniel looked down, chin pressed to his chest. He looked back up to speak, “I want to try… Only if it’s you. I want to try.”

When their eyes met, Nicholas decided to trust Daniel. He decided to try. He wrapped his arms around Daniel, pulling him close. Unsure what to do, and still a little disoriented, Daniel clung onto Nicholas’ shirt, curling up as if to hide.

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” Daniel mumbled.

“I don’t think there was ever a chance of me not doing that,” Nicholas said.

“I won’t let you down.”

With that promise, Daniel drifted off in Nicholas’ arms.


End file.
